Cement

Got a new rejection that told me not to be disheartened since they receive 500 submissions a week and take on 2 new writers a year. "You may as well send it to a cement factory," a writer friend of mine has suggested and so...

"Dear Rugby Cement

I have recently finished my first novel and, given the outstanding reputation of your cement factory,..."

Dear Gordon X

Also, Gordon X, the literary agent who will save me and "Extreme Normality" from obscurity and crystalise the literary revolution that will bring down the age of celebrity. Also, you will know that in writing they say that, "3 examples make a case".

Eg.

He led a frugal life. He ate berries and lived in a hut.

compared to

He led a frugal life. He ate berries, lived in a hut and wore rags.

Ipso facto we need a 3rd Gordon to dominate the world.

It shall be me.

GORDONS

With a Gordon in the country's top job and another as our top swearing cook it is certainly no exaggeration at all to say that this is the Age of the Gordon. Long gone are the days when we had to look to bald newsreaders (Honeycombe) imperialists (of Khartoum) Ming fighters (Flash) morons (Gordon is a) or racing drivers turned expletive (Bennet) Now we can get behind Brown and Ramsay and conquer the rest of the spheres of human achievements just like the Andrews have been doing for years.

I'm taking on literature where so far we've been quite bad, managing only a middle name (George Gordon Byron) and who cares about a middle name?