"Think Outside the Box" say those people who have their heads in boxes just reading out lists of cliches that they've written on the inside in an attempt to appear wise - management consultants.
Inspired by those who place their unpublished books on the shelves in Waterstones to look like they are proper authors I have come up with:
1) Befriend a literary agent's dying relative.
2) Have an offspring and raise her as a publisher.
3) Offer to be Salman Rushdie's double and gradually take over from him.
4) Write a novel concerning anything to do with a celebrity - "Fern Britton's Pyloric Sphincter"?
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