It's all rubbish

Is it just me or is everyone disgusted at everything from the bimbos who now read the news to harassment by SKY salesmen to handing out wadges of money to corrupt Eurocrats to packaging that is neither appealing nor functional nor minimal?

But as soon as I start whingeing I feel like Mr Daily Mail reader outraged becoming grumpy old man and I'm still in my 30s! But of course they, the people making everything worse, would want me to think that. Actually I read the guardian, have a very balanced panorama of the world and have a perfectly normal level of outrage. It's just that award winning eco-buildings only last 10 years, Joanna Lumley is the most powerful force in the country, banks, estate agents, I can't open the coffee packet like it says I should, Tichtmarsh...

Self non-publishing

Remember that guy who put his self-published novel on the shelves in Waterstones thus bypassing the troublesome publishing industry? Now I hear about someone who is doing a PhD on TS Eliot, Auden and her own unpublished poetry thus bypassing the troublesome publishing and criticing industry. In fact, in the true spirit of "self-publishing", you could just bypass the whole troublesome "people outside your own mind" industry and just keep your thoughts to yourself and then judge them and award the best ones a prize.

Allowable Litter

What are you allowed to litter? Cigarette butts used to be but not anymore. I dropped a receipt yesterday and it blew right away. I wasn't going to chase that but I suppose I should have done. Money? In Japan you pick everything up, even the smallest coin but that's more a matter of respect for money than littering. Here, I don't stoop for a penny so is that littering? What about a fiver? If I just let them go is that littering? What about an Ipod or a car or a child? Oh God I think I've been littering all the time. What about a breath or an aura? It could make you worry about your social niceity.

Also

Also you don't just have to put your own book in the bookshops. For years I have been editing my own newspapers - drawing all over the pictures, rewriting the stories in a way I like. I've played havoc with the financial markets and Norwich City always win the Universe champions super-premiership. Also, when I go to a restaurant I edit the menus or add things onto the specials that I might like. Also:

Leave your favourite pens in the stationers and buy them back
I've taken all the apples off my apple tree and left them on the shelves in Tesco
Adjust the interest rates offered by banks by putting your "12%" signs in their windows
Take a photo of a house you like and put it in an estate agents window
Drive to your local dealership and ask how much for your own car
On the bus time-table write in the time that the bus actually comes